I have talked about my experiences with constant and chronic pain, how becoming hooked on prescription pain killers nearly killed me, and I wanted to talk about a few things that have helped me survive over the last years since the accident. After the accident, it became very easy to blame and rationalize all my problems on the constant pain and the necessity to totally block out pain. Pain medicine, in particular opiates really did help me with my pain, but like many things the relief is short lived and you find yourself needing more and more opiates to cope. Eventually you find opiates taking over as the reason for living, you try to escape the pain, knock yourself out and remove yourself from the rest of the world. I had no idea how bad I had become, or that I had a problem and that I just didn’t care. I let myself go, both mentally and physically. I didn’t care about work, family or life and thought I was dying and ready to go to sleep at the old age of 58?????. As I mentioned in other blogs, my life was literally saved by my wife forcing me to see Dr. Rand at Bay Recovery to get help. The wierd thing was looking back, that I didn’t even know I was being helped. Now having better recovered with a long way yet to go, I am no longer an “old” 58, but a much younger 59. My wife and Dr. Rand at Bay Recovery started showing me the way and although I am in as much or more pain due to the accident of 10/03, the constant care, encouragement and help I have had is getting me back towards feeling human again. I had no idea, but it turns out that the pain and the need for opiates has created a myriad of problems for my health that Dr. Rand and Bay Recovery have found and are treating. The accident damage to my neck and then the opiate usage had caused a life threatning sleep apnea problem where I was only getting about 15% of my necessary oxygen during sleep. Beside treating other related problems, Dr. Rand was able to diagnosis this and had studies done and the situation is being worked on. My mental state had deteriorated to where I didn’t care about anything and working with the staff at Bay Recovery we are working on those problems. The pain was such that I could not exercise, had gained many pounds, all my vitals were out of wack. This was then compounded by the use of opiates over several years use because the Insurance company would only allow me “pain Management”. Pain Management from my viewpoint had become the medical systems “pill pushers”, the “easy” way to take care of someone with chronic pain. Since 2003, I went to many doctors who were “pain management specialists” and all they did was push more and more opiates until I just about went insane.
I am sure there are more doctors like Dr. Rand around that take the time with each individual, use unusual combinations of therapies, dare to use drugs “off-label” when useful, hang themselves out there to try something different when something standard doesn’t work, utilizes staff for ideas on treatment. What Dr. Rand does really is a treatment of your LIFE, not just the symptons, caring for the whole body and mind not just one part. There are times when you will wait hours before seeing him, but its more than OK because he takes the time with everyone to listen to them(very unusual) and provide them the same high quality care you want. If you want to get well, whats a little time.
Another thing you do at BayRecovery is to become educated about not only your own problems, but how to deal with the problems and those around you:
1. learn about drugs and alcohol, without knowing the facts, you don’t have a chance to learn.
2. accept these facts as they pertain to you, everyone’s use is a little different and you need to know what has happened to you.
3. trust those who are making you better, don’t hide from the truth. tell those around you everything, even though you think it will hurt.
4. utilize every tool available to get better, not everyone has the same problem, use and accept every option given to you, it is for your own good. Dr. Rand and his staff come up with new treatments every day. They do not limit themselves to a set routine or just use what others have done. Many of their treatments are unusual and creative. If one treatment doesn’t work for you, another idea will be found.
5. start slow and don’t give up, I have been recovering for 10 months and never thought I’d feel this good again. my progress was very slow to begin with but has been getting better and better. for the first few months, I couldn’t have written 10% of this blog.
6. thank those around you, they are working hard while you are out of it plus they are thinking of you, not the easiest thing to do.
7. measure your success, sometimes it is hard to tell from day to day if you are getting better and sometimes you don’t think you are, but you will reach a point where you know you are. Some people keep a log, others by talking to someone, but somehow, track your progress, so when you have the really bad days, and they will happen, you can look and see, well on x date, I was doing better and I will get better again.
8. get outside, sunshine is the best anti-depressant there is. lay outside when possible, not inside the house. fresh air, sunshine, clouds, wind and everything that goes on outside is wonderful, you just have to notice and realize it. sitting or lying around the house feeling sorry or being in pain even real, is the worst thing for you. for those who live in San Diego like I do, go to the beach, go to the mountains. It is hard for me to bounce in a car for more than about 1/2 hour, but it is worth it.
9. exercise, exercise, exercise, even if it hurts, which it will. start slow and build up. a lot of your body has been damaged by drugs, alcohol and you may have underlying problems to boot, but all kinds of exercise are good, the more you do, the better you’ll feel. exercise a little more tomorrow than today. I have been fortunate to find an exercise that I enjoy, doesn’t hurt, puts little stress on any parts of my body yet burns calories like crazy, turns fat into muscle and exercises every muscle in the body. Lsat fall, I started swiming in the Ocean, by doing a very modified breast stroke, I was able to start out slowly, literally going just a few yards to start with then building up to where I am now. I am fortunate to live only 5 minutes from the beach. I have also tried it in a pool, but the constant turnng every ?50? feet or so was killing my neck where I am injured. Going in a long circle in the ocean doesn’t provide that jerking side motion that kills me.
10. solve one thing at a time, take little steps and check each step with someone sober you trust. all our years on drugs or alcohol do not make any of us great judgements of the next best step for ourselves and others. we all know or have met in our lives people who are a lot smarter, have better common sense, are better educated than us and have an even keel in life. These lucky people are generally willing to share some of their gifts when asked. People enjoy helping in matters where they can provide the gift of knowledge to someone who realizes they need help. It doesn’t cost them anything and makes them feel good about themselves. Asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, as you get better, maybe you can pass ideas to others.
Its funny, I went to a doctor outside BayRecovery this week for further consultation and he looked at me for a few minutes (looked only), and said “you look great, why are you here?, you don’t look like you have a problem”. I had to go through a whole process describing my last 5 1/2 year since I was in the accident, then gave him a copy of the DVD with the MRI’s and x-ray’s on it. He came back a few minutes later after looking at them and said “I have to apologize, by these, you must be in pain all the time, why don’t you look like it?”. I told him about the basic steps I was taking as above, and through education about pain, drugs and how BayRecovery taught me to live my life, and how I am in about the same pain as I was immediatly after the accident, but in less than when on drugs, it seemed to amaze him. Hopefully he will send patients to BayRecovery for help as needed.
Again, Chronic Pain is still in my life but I have learned how destructive normal “pain management” as practiced in the United States is. I believe there is a place for opiates and other strong pain medicines, for a short time after a serious accident or surgery, ongoing care for terminal patients(everyone tells me we are all terminal patients), etc., but for most of us in pain, through my experience and those around me, the pain we are in is only intensified by the continued use of opiates. There are a few people around who are strong enough to take one when urgent for a bad episode of pain and not take another for 6 months, but the reality is, that prescription opiates are addicting and as you use them, your body reads the pain differently and tells you you need more and more because the pain is worse.
If you are using anything more than you should, be it prescription, off the street, out of the liquor store, get help, ask for it beg for it, go somewhere, get some help. My wife got me into Bay Recovery and life is so much better and I know Bay Recovery and its programs so I fully support it and talk about it. My real idea in writing this however is to try to convince just one person to seek help. If that one person goes to Bay Recovery thats great, but get help from wherever you can. There are lots of programs out there to help you, but in the reading I have done, none quite reach the level of Bay Recovery with in-patient and out-patient programs, full medical and psychological treatment, off-label care, massage, accupuncture and other Eastern care, therapy and counseling sessions, yoga along with other group and individual care.
The only way anyone can really be helped when it gets down to it, is to treat both the body and the mind at the same time, not just individual symptons.
Whatever you do, seek help, talk to friends, find something that helps you. Until you help yourself, you will find there is no way you can help or take care of others, so be selfish for a while.
John
